


tear me to pieces

by makemelarry



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: AU, Age Difference, Alternate Universe, Drama, M/M, PWP, PWP without Porn, Relationship Problems, Sexual Inexperience, Songfic, open-ended
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-08
Updated: 2019-07-08
Packaged: 2020-06-24 18:51:49
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,434
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19729699
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/makemelarry/pseuds/makemelarry
Summary: au, where Harry is a high school graduate who lives with only one dream, and Louis is a teacher who got lost in his own thoughts but keeps lying to everyone around. probably they might be able to pursue each other's desires.





	tear me to pieces

**Author's Note:**

  * A translation of [tear me to pieces](https://archiveofourown.org/external_works/496813) by ViSty. 



> This fic is a TRANSLATION.  
> Permission granted.
> 
> The collage: https://pp.userapi.com/c848416/v848416842/1c4c0c/JkOjmUI5-kM.jpg
> 
> From the author:  
> it's such a weird story and it was written in a weird way as well. do not consider it as a full work, just murky imageries and thoughts. the minimum of dialogues, the maximum of senseless words, pain and sex. i've warned you if anything.  
> i extremely insist to read with songs from the text if you have such opportunity for better vibes etc but it's your choice, obviously.  
> Most parts of the story were like in a slow-motion in my head.  
> From the translator:  
> i fell in love with this work at first sight and everything i could think about while i was reading it is how much i want to share it with you guys. i want to say a big thanks to the author of the fic, ViSty, you are incredibly talented and i will never stop adoring your works. i wish you guys could read all of her amazing works. but, for now, tear me to pieces is here, hope you will love it, enjoy ! :)  
> Please! Turn! On! The! Songs!

_billie eilish & khalid — lovely_

This place seems more like a trap and Harry can feel his hands are sweating. The class ended a few minutes ago and he is apparently already late. But Louis is standing right here, looking incredibly beautiful as he makes you want to touch him. he is standing around, leaning back on the teacher’s desk, he is smiling and continuing to talk about something from his last lecture but Harry isn’t listening to him at all. He’s catching every word that is rolling off of the man’s tongue but he doesn’t really pay attention to it.

“It was quite interesting, wasn’t it?” he looked up at Harry and Harry looked straight in his eyes, just nodding, as if he knew what it was about. He didn’t care, all he wanted was to touch Louis, to feel him, to find out what his skin is like to the touch, he wanted to inhale his odour, bite his lips, get a taste of them.

Louis doesn’t say a thing probably noticing Harry’s wild gaze. Harry’s so lost and sad all the time, all these months he has been missing the touches he had never got. He enjoys the voice that has never sounded so beautiful like in his head. Never called him by his name so gently as he did in his dreams. He shakes his head as he tries to ward off foolish thoughts because he realized it a long ago – he is simply obsessed.

“Is everything okay?” Louis pulls to the right, looking sincerely worried and Harry looks down, not answering. He realizes that he’s being as close as it’s possible. He invades in Louis’ personal space so brazenly and recklessly and Louis pretended like he didn’t notice it all.

The tension resounds in the ears is like scratching of blades, cuts the veins from inside and Harry is sinking in the red blood. With his eyes closed he leans forward, a little staggeringly – to stand on his own two feet is too complicated right now. To stand next to Louis is unbearable. Harry could swear that Louis realizes. He realizes that Harry crossed the line of the vacuum where Louis hides. Here he is, standing dangerously close, almost breathing into his temple while the man is looking away with detachment. Harry doesn’t know what he’s doing, as if he is in a parallel universe, he’s drunk, he’s deranges, he’s obsessed.

“Harry...” his voice sounds into the void because the boy doesn’t pay any attention.

As he bent over to the breaking point, Harry feels his nose touching to the man’s temple but Louis doesn’t even move. Harry sees how tense Louis’ hands are as they hold the table’s edge tightly. There’s a tension in his knees and thighs which are covered with a fabric of his usual back trousers as well. Harry wants to touch them. Instead of answering, the boy reaches out even more until his lips touch another cheek and he believes that he’s so close to falling but Louis slowly turns away, seems like Louis hits him in the chest, right there where his heart is. Harry’s stomach feels all tight.

He wants to scream how much unfair it is because he’s willing to kiss Louis so badly as it can possibly be.

“You better leave.” – says Louis indifferently as a deafening bell resounds in Harry’s ears, just like there’s someone is dancing on the glass shards.

“Don’t even try to tell me you don’t want the same thing,” he grinds his teeth, gritting his teeth so hard it hurts. He lifts a misty-eyed gaze at Louis but Louis keeps looking the other way, turned away. “I saw you were eyeballing at my ass in those shorts,” he says it little louder, trying not to raise his voice to not to destroy the remnants of the atmosphere around them. It’s being destroyed with every passing moment.

Those memories are still fresh in Harry’s mind when he saw Louis beside the high school stadium. That day the lessons were outside the school and the jog has been just ended. Harry was there, dripping with sweat while his shorts shamelessly were all over his ass and he saw Louis just standing there, under the roof, watching him. He wasn’t looking at anyone but Harry, it was impossible not to notice. Their eyes met for a little while before Louis left. Harry still remembers that day.

“I’m not denying it,” Louis sighs as he slowly gets up off the seat to stand against Harry. He crosses his hands over the chest, building up a wall and isolating himself both physically and mentally. It destroys. “But I can’t let myself kiss you or allow you to do it, Harry.”

His name sounds like a punishment coming from the man and he wants to put a rope around his neck and hang himself, putting aside the chair he stands on.

“But you want this,” Harry insists and Louis makes eye contact for the first time. He looks so devastated and broken and Harry just doesn’t understand the reason. It’s so simple – to let someone touch his lips.

“It doesn’t matter what I want,” Louis sighs, shaking his head. Harry sees the large bruises under his eyes, he’s tired and sleepy, he’s stressed out, desperately trying to hide it. Harry pulls his head, baring his teeth. His heart is ready to break inside his rib cage. “You’re my...” it’s obvious that it’s hard for him to find the right words so he’s trying to help himself starting to gesture. “You’re my student, Harry,” he sighs, looking straight into the boy’s eyes once again and Harry knows they are red. They are burning from the inside. “I can’t, honestly. This is completely insane. You must leave.”

Harry stays there for a few more seconds before he obeys. He leaves but not because Louis said so. He leaves because he hates this moment. He wants to erase it from his memory and stay away from Louis for the rest of his life. All of his excuses are stupid and unreasonable. He hates what’s going on in his head.

இஇஇ

Once all exams are over, Harry gets drunk. He pours himself as much champagne as possible. Music plays somewhere beyond the bounds of his mind, he tries to pass out. Hearing his friends’ voices, hearing laughs and happiness, hearing drunk screaming and teacher murmurings, Harry ignores everything.

Barely feeling his feet, he tries to dance with a glass in his hand. The content is spilling around and on the clothes dirtying them. And a little bit on a girl next to him: Harry wasn’t absolutely certain about where her face is but she’s literally hanging around his neck, probably not being able to stay steady on her feet either. He doesn’t know how they got there. His eyes look drunkenly at the crowd: he sees a familiar face but assiduously ignores his presence.

Louis is on the other side of the dance floor, leaning his back on the wall as usually, hands crossed over the chest. When Harry decides to look at him, Louis looks back. His eyes are cold and detached, as if the teacher lost the capacity to feel the emotions. Harry hates this glance, knowing what’s hiding behind it in fact. However, he continues to stare straight in his eyes across the hall, trying to put in his gaze all possible arrogance and apathy he could find within himself right now.

Tilted his head back, Harry tries to have a little sip of his champagne but a few drops let out of his mouth because he doesn’t want to break the eye contact. The girl, who has suddenly come back to life, is laughing as she mumbled something. But Harry doesn’t hear her. He doesn’t listen to her. He’s having goosebumps when she touches his neck with her tongue to lick the drops of alcohol and Harry doesn’t take his eyes off Louis as he raises his chin, giving her more space. Harry knows he looks so pathetic. He goes down to the very bottom right here.

With his eyes closed, Harry tries to pass out. When he opens his heavy lids, Louis isn’t there anymore. Frowning, Harry tries to break out of the sticky arms and the girl definitely doesn’t look very happy about it. He looks around, stumbling a little, barely being able to walk. Once he spots the right person in the crowd, he glares at him and doesn’t let go. He follows Louis, throwing his glass somewhere along the way. Just like a shadow, he is chasing him through the school hallways as he leaves the celebration behind the back. His open jacket only prevents him, the tie strangles. Harry loosens his tie and takes a boring noose off at all.

He is slowing down at the doors of Mr. Tomlinson’s classroom. He feels a rapid heart rate as he carefully looks inside. Louis, without even turning the light on, is packing his briefcase in silence and Harry discreetly crosses the threshold. The man turns around, hearing someone’s footsteps, and Harry can see a confusion on the teacher’s face. He silently closes the door behind himself.

“Why are you here?”

The question is left without the answer when Harry grabs the closest chair and pushes it against the door, excluding the possibility to open it from the outside.

“What are you doing?” when Harry turns around Louis looks at him with his brow in a knit. The briefcase is still in his hands and Harry is slowly heading towards Louis. “Harry,” his words sound like a warning: ‘Leave and don’t ever come back’. He closes his eyes sighing heavily. “Harry, you should go back.”

“I decide where I go,” drunkenly mumbles Harry. His voice has never sounded so confident and he never felt the way he does now. He believes he can do anything stupid and he won’t be punished for it. If it only were like this...

Once he is only inches away from the Louis’ face, he doesn’t have time to react. Harry tries to kiss him, missing the lips as the man turns away, and Harry just pushes him, touching Louis’ face with the hands. Louis drops his briefcase, his hands are too far forward, grabbing Harry by the shoulders. He tries to stop the student but Harry knows it’s his last chance. If he doesn’t take a breath right now, he will suffocate for sure.

“Harry, stop,” Louis repeats it again and again, trying to push the boy back, but Harry ballsy moving forward until Louis suddenly stumbles and falls in his own seat.

Getting lost for a brief moment, Harry picks himself up and gets on top of Louis, uncomfortably sitting down in Louis’ laps and Louis, who took aback for a second, gives Harry a chance to kiss him on the lips and the boy immediately takes the advantage. he tastes like honey with a hint of dark chocolate and Harry feels a crazy adrenaline rush in his veins. It lasts only a fraction of a second but Harry takes everything he can get during this time. He feels how soft Louis’ lips are until Louis purses the lips to try to get out of Harry’s grip once again.

“Stop it right now,” Louis tries to raise his voice but Harry doesn’t care. He‘s moving to the neck, covering it with wet kisses, he bites him and kisses his face and it’s all just too much, he feels that the man is suffocating and he’s totally losing it. “Harry, enough, I said stop,” Louis’ voice gets weaker when Harry kisses his chin and he’s moaning uncontrollably when Harry’s hand squeezes his crotch, creasing the fabric of the maddening black trousers in his hands.

The thoughts fly away to another universe, time slows down. Harry hopes one day he will make it out of here. Even if it takes a night or a hundred years.

“Harry,” Louis starts to drown in voiceless silent with every word he tries to speak and only heavy sighs filled the room when Harry suddenly realizes he’s gasping without oxygen. He stops, catching a deep breathe like he has just leaped out of the depth. “Please, stop,” Louis whispers into his lips while Harry is, barely breathing, sitting on his thighs, head to head. “I’m begging you, don’t make me to cross the line.”

Without a single word, Harry doesn’t move, still not able to breathe properly. Louis’ hands are still squeezing Harry’s shoulders in an attempt to stop him which doesn’t make any sense anymore. Harry’s hands are still on Louis’ neck.

“And what if I don’t stop?” Harry is having troubles with talking, he pauses in order to take a little breath. It seems to him like his lungs are soaked with champagne that slowly evaporates from his blood. “You will lose it?” he raises his unfocused eyes on the man and Louis nods, looking straight at him.

And it was like Harry caught the second wind: sharply he leans in, kissing Louis so deep and passionately, trying to push his tongue right into Louis’ mouth and it seems to make the man mad. It was a moment when everything was completely getting out of control and Louis rapidly got up from his seat, pushing a suddenly weak Harry and pushing him away from himself. Harry tries to hold on to him again but the teacher roughly repels him and Harry hits the desk with his back. It finally brings him back to life and when he opens his eyes wildly, sharply groaning out with the pain, Louis throws his hands up on both sides of his head and pushes Harry to the blackboard with his whole body, preventing him from moving.

Only now Harry fully realizes how badly Louis was giving in to him all this time.

“You will walk away right now and will never repeat anything of this, did you hear me?!”

Louis yelling right in his face, probably forgetting about everyone else who was in the school at that moment. Harry is standing there, at a loss for words. He has never seen Louis in anger before but it’s only infuriating himself. Having received no response, the man let go of Harry’s hands, turns away and falls in his seat as he leans to the table with his elbows, putting the head on his hands. He breathes heavily but Harry moves away from the blackboard without even thinking of leaving.

“Why are you doing this?” he is really confused. He’s mad. “You said the problem was that you were my teacher. But I’m not your student anymore. I’m nothing in this place anymore, we are nothing anymore!”

He screams as he waves his arms.

“I’m not asking you to love me, I’m asking you to fuck me. Why is that such a problem to you?!” he’s hot, he’s still aroused and wants water so badly.

And this is the moment when Louis suddenly looks over and growls in response.

“Because I’m engaged, Harry!”

It’s like the destroying of the universe and Harry seems to think the floor turns to lava while he is lost in a fucking child’s play.

“What?” he says it in a while, barely able to realize the man’s words.

Louis turns away, burying his face in the hands once again. His back raises over a heavy breathing and Harry feels like his feet are getting softer. Someone fired buckshot in his chest.

“I have a fiancée, Harry. That’s a surprise, right?” he smiles with a sad look upon his face. “I’ve never said that but it doesn’t mean that I’m not in a relationship. And yes, I’m not wearing a fucking ring because it turned out to be too small for me, and I’m...” he sighs, closing his eyes. “I’m sorry that I was making you feel and think all this time like I...” he stops, probably trying to find the right words. He doesn’t know what exactly Harry was thinking about, what he was feeling. How dare he?

Anyway, his world is falling apart. Brick by brick, someone takes apart the foundation of everything he ever knew. Somewhere above his head appears a cartoon thundering cloud.

“I’m sorry.” He says, doesn’t even knowing why, but there’s a hole in his heart and it keeps getting bigger. He seems to blackened from the inside: cell by cell.

“No,” Louis shakes his head, rubbing his temples. Harry sees the bloated veins on his wrists. “It’s only my fault. I’m the only one who's guilty.”

Harry feels like something is ruining him. Just like in a stupid movie, when camera starts pulling out and Louis is getting further and further even though he’s just around the bend. He manages himself to move one more step forward. His feet seem to become too much. One more step.

He feels Louis flinches when he tries to hug him from the back, bending over the table. The whole man’s body is tense and Harry hates this feeling growing in his chest. He feels weirdly betrayed and it turns out to be even more painful than he thought. Actually, he didn’t think he would get rejected this night.

“I will miss you,” it’s the best he can whisper now. Dumb brain throws him the pictures of memories when they first met when Louis entered the classroom. When he made him feel foolish and scold him about unimplemented work on the mistakes. He wants to correct all his mistakes. He tilts his head as he leaves a small kiss on the top of Louis’ head. The eyes are fully burning from the inside, he feels empty. It is the slowest and the longest kiss in his entire life. “Goodbye.”

He doesn’t look back when he leaves.

இஇஇ

The music had become quieter, the people weren’t dancing anymore. That one girl who hung on Harry not long ago suddenly remembered about his existence. She asks the first one who gets on her way, almost falling.

“Hey, have you seen Harry?” she sounds drunk and not really interested but the teacher seems to get lost.

Louis stands right in front of her with the briefcase in his hands. He’s ready to leave and has just said goodbye to everyone.

“ _No, I hav..._ ”

He feverishly thinks how to lie when someone stopped next to them. It’s a guy with a dirty shirt and a suspicious cocktail in his hand. Louis isn’t sure if the graduates are allowed to drink such things tonight but he doesn’t give a shit, his shift is over.

“I’ve heard he’s crying in the toilets.”

“What?”

He frowned and sharply turned back. The girl looks at her classmate looked pretty surprised. The boy just shrugs his shoulders and leaves.

இஇஇ

Harry feels like his body get still between the shudders of whimpers. But he isn’t crying at all. It was a weird impulse and now he feels better. All of his confidence seems to have disappeared along with the alcohol. He feels absolutely nothing.

He believes he’s 13 again and he’s not sure about neither himself, his thoughts nor his wishes. After he met Louis he wished only one thing and now this thing have been impinged upon. Life laughed at him but he can’t take this joke on merit.

The boy doesn’t pay attention when someone comes into the toilet. Drunk students with no conscience made him sick. Although he knew he’s madder than all of them. He wanted to hang himself with his own dreams.

With his head hidden between the knees, he keeps sitting on the cold tile as he leans his back to the cubicle door. It’s cold and stinks inside but he doesn’t care. He doesn’t want anyone to comfort him and tell him that everything will be okay, he knows it’s a lie.

Contrary to his wishes, someone gets down on their knees and Harry looks up in order to tell them to fuck off whoever it is. The words get lost somewhere, not even making their way to the tongue, when he sees Louis in front of him.

“I had to go around three toilets to find you,” he says softly and if it was any other situation, Harry would smile, but not this time. No. He just sits there with desiccated tracks of his tears on the cheeks. He’s such a child... “Come here.”

Louis holds a hand up to him and Harry wants to flip him off but instead of doing that he just falls into his arms, forgetting about everything in this world. He grabs Louis’ jacket as if it was his last hope of survival and he thinks that from the outside it looks pathetic. So, what? He was used to feel pathetic. With his childish dreams about Louis and his hand on the cock under the blanket before going to sleep. He’s disgusting.

“Let’s go,” Louis is back on his feet, dragging him on and Harry doesn’t really understand what’s going on.

He doesn’t ask. He doesn’t ask where Louis was taking him as they comes out of the toilet. He doesn’t ask when the man says that Harry’s a little too drunk and he’ll drive him home. He just follows him in silence and gets in the car.

His heart is frantically pounding when Louis parks at sidewalk of a small hotel. Harry feels bad, nauseated and it makes him desperately drowsy. He doesn’t know what he does feel, it’s like he’s in the vacuum. When they enter the hall, his feet are shaking as his face still looks tear-stained. Louis tells him to wait for him by the elevator while he goes to the reception with a big smile and gives hostess his ID.

A few minutes later they are heading a few floors up and Harry feels the reality is slipping away from him. He’s doing his best to stay conscious, realizing with every second what’s happening. And when Louis opens the door for him to their room, Harry’s knees are getting weak and he almost stumbles as steps out of the door.

Looked back, he freezes in the middle of a small room with a huge double bed. Louis turns around as he sticks his hands to the pockets. They look like complete fools and Harry is ready to be a fool if Louis wants him but he’s scared. All of his courage and confidence have disappeared and everything is totally different right now. Louis makes a few steps closer to stand right in front of him and Harry holds his breath, looking up. His voice is barely louder that whispering when he asks softly:

“But your fiancée...”

Louis’ finger touches Harry’s lips, making him to shut up, and Harry closes his eyes, holding a breath. Louis leans to him, touching his forehead with his own, the ends of their noses come into contact and this moment seems to Harry too intimate, he wants to etch it on his memory.

“I don’t want to hear anything about him,” quietly Louis says, carefully removing a couple of wet strands from Harry’s forehead. “I _don’t_ love him and I don’t want to be with him, I lied when I told him the ring was small for me just not to wear it. And I’m still not sure either our relationship came undone or I am just over him and lose all interest,” he takes a deep breath, his voice is quiet and calm, and he says it with such confidence, making Harry to believe in his words. “All I’m sure about now is you are the only person I want. You are my most guilty pleasure and if I burn in hell for this, I don’t care.”

Slowly lifting his gaze, Harry looks right in Louis’ eyes and the man looks both so confident and confused at the same time. He’s completely out of breath when he closes his eyes and raises his head to reach for Louis’ face. His stomach rolls over inside when Louis kisses him, putting a hand on his cheek. Harry let the man to control him as he kisses him slowly and gently as if he was scared to make a mistake. But when Louis places his hand on his waist it makes him remember that he was drunk not long ago.

Harry becomes feistier, kissing him harder, making him hurry up. He becomes greedy and scared as if it was about to disappear. Louis starts moving and Harry is suffocating as he realizes that they are slowly getting closer to the bed. It’s enough to give him the vapors, the clothes literally strangle him, making him to lose the temper. Their feet get tangled and Louis kisses Harry so deeply, making him to get lost in his own conscience. The boy forgets his own name and a world where he lives.

The moment when he falls onto the bad is defined as eternity in his mind. He’s holding Louis in his hands, their kiss is so hot and Harry feels that he’s extremely horny. The sheets seem to him so cold and rigid but he doesn’t give a damn about it, he wants Louis to touch him more, to wants him to leave a kiss on every inch of his skin.

“I can hear your heart is racing,” Louis whispers it to his lips at a very wrong time and Harry opens his eyes a little as he looks at him with his eyes unfocused. “Are you scared?”

Harry wants to say something snarky as a response in order to mock it and look confident. However, he nods barely noticeable, trying to smother the man in kisses but Louis resists a little, mumbling to his lips:

“Let me guess,” there’s self-satisfactory tone in his voice and it makes Harry to hesitate. He hates it.

“I’m not a chaste if you want to know this,” Harry mutters roughly, getting angry, and Louis smiles, rubbing his nose to Harry’s. Their bodies are so close.

“Yes, I know but not morally, right?” Harry hears his smirk and looks away; his whole body gets in tense and Louis feels it. Louis hides his face in the cavity on Harry’s neck, leaving small kisses there. “Tell me that you took pleasure in your previous sex and I will believe you” he says it so brazenly. Harry doesn’t know this man. This Louis is powerful and bold, the one who forgot about all the troubles around them.

However, Harry is adversely shaking his head in a response and Louis smiles to his lips.

“I won’t let you feel the same way, you know?” Harry nods and Louis wants to kiss him when Harry suddenly turns away, making the man to look at him.

“Tell me,” his voice is vibrating as he whispers, “that you will not regret it,” Harry looks at his eyes with complete confidence. “Tell me that you will never regret this night and I will believe you.”

Louis doesn’t say anything. He is silent for so long that it seems to Harry that he has completely ruined the moment.

“I will never regret this night, Harry.”

He sounds so sincerely and honest. Harry believes him.

_the weeknd — high for this_

He glides his hand up Harry’s neck, slightly squeezing it with his fingers. Harry leans back, rolling his eyes with pleasure. He can’t control it; the sensations are higher than his mind. Somewhere within the heaven.

Harry doesn’t know when Louis takes his clothes off and throw them away. All he sees is how the man gets undressed. Louis is sitting on his lap, tight pants were taken off a long ago and now he is opening his shirt, button by button. Finally, the last barrier has been gotten down and the cloth slowly slides from his shoulders. In Harry’s eyes it looks like everything was moving in a slow-motion. Louis looks up and his eyelashes appear to be impossibly long. The boy wants to touch them but his hands are beyond his control now. Once Louis gets completely undressed, he leisurely leans to Harry to touch a small part of Harry’s neck under the chin with his moist lips.

Louis immediately comes down on his mouth, kissing him so deeply and dirty that Harry arches his back. Probably he should be not comfortable with his naked body and a stripped man, who’s sitting on his lap, but here and now Harry doesn’t give a fuck. He enjoys it.

It makes him tingle when Louis bucks his hips up and something between a muffled gasp and a low moan emerges from Harry’s mouth. He bites the lips and screws up the eyes as hard as he can, trying to hide his anxiety. But Louis feels right through him.

Louis kisses every single piece of his face as he continuous to slightly squeeze his throat with the hand. It lets him completely control boy’s head movements – he turns it anywhere he wants to. And Harry obediently follows every move of Louis: puts he head back, lifts his leg when the man bends his knee and puts it on his thigh, making himself comfortable between Harry’s feet. He whispers consolations right in his ear mixed in with dirty words which makes Harry to clench his toes.

He’s soaked and the sweat is cooling his skin, the boy seems to fall down to bottomless abyss. Someone promises him that he will be okay but Harry isn’t sure his landing will be soft. Nevertheless, he jumps again.

Sometimes his and Louis’ eyes meet and he exhales deeply, there isn’t enough oxygen, it makes Harry to die with each passing second. Louis squeezes his ass in the hand as he mumbling something about how great it is. And Harry grans on to Louis’ shoulders as he was a drowning one. His forehead was sweating, his hair was wet and he’s watching Louis leaving fast kisses all over his chest, as he gets down and down, spreading his legs wider, through a sexual excitement haze and Harry leans back, moaning his favorite name. He doesn’t have the strength to keep looking at it and he holds on to the sheets with his fingers when he feels Louis’ tongue inside him.

It literally tears him to _pieces_.

Harry feels like the time to break into a previously unknown comfort zone and sink into that particular part of it where he will find a new himself has come. When Louis lifts his head to look at him, Harry looks so needy. There’s a saliva thread on his chin and Harry is thinking that he represents all of his impenetrable bubbles of thoughts and incredible ideas. All the sweat is shining his body in the dim light of their hotel room in the unknown part of the town, his hair is a mess.

Louis looks so powerful and attentive, putting Harry’s legs on either side of his body. Harry hears a strange while noises in the ears, he closes his eyes, slowly lifting his head up. He can’t think straight, he feels that all he needs is to bring a match to the charcoal, letting out this spark.

He makes a step to an enticing unknown and freely swims forward without any unnecessary emotions.

Harry feels Louis stretching him with his two fingers at once and he suffocates, desperately gasp for breath and Louis’ quiet whispers but the meaning of the words doesn’t make its way to his mind right now. He thinks that Louis is _phenomenal_.

When he feels Louis inside, so slow and hot, Harry moans so hot, he just can’t hold back. His nails desperately dig into the skin on Louis; shoulders, leaving unwanted, barely visible marks there. Louis puts the head back right at the moment Harry decides to open his eyes, full of unconsciousness and pleasure, and he thinks he never was turned on more than he does right now in his life.

Louis looks so sexy with those pearls of sweat on his neck, moist bang stacked on his forehead and seductively-parted lips which he wants to bite so hard to feel the taste of the blood and keep it on his tongue.

All Harry can do is to keep trying not to choke with excess of oxygen and noises in his head. His mind is far beyond this room. This boy knows he isn’t the most experienced lover Louis would want but he just hopes Louis revels in his body. Biting his lip, choking and sweaty, Harry tries not to let his moans to break free. After all, the hotel room is still a public place and it drives him crazy that Louis got a room. For him. For the two of them.

He blushes and moans over each his own dirty thought and bends his knees even more, letting Louis to thrusts even deeper. He’s hot. Devilishly hot and he thinks he’s already being brewed in one of the cauldrons somewhere in the Underworld. But Louis is next to him so fuck it.

“ _Louis-Louis-Louis,_ ” he keeps repeating just like a praying, mixing the name with his moans, and he thinks it’s the best sound he has ever heard – after Louis’ quiet moans, of course, when he thrusts into him deeper and slower. Harry wants to scream.

He wants to do that for half a night. He wants it when Louis whispers the dirty words right into his ears, when he gently runs his nose over Harry’s moist lips, when he bites him by the neck. He wants it when Louis moves him over on his stomach and tell him to lift up a little. He wants it when he buries his face in the pillow but still feels Louis’ lips on his back. He wants it when Louis mumbling to him about how badly he wanted Harry and even when his knees start to shake of tiredness.

Harry gets what he wants when Louis finishes right over his back and then pulling Harry to himself. Harry doesn’t have any energy left even to open his heavy lids. But when he feels the man’s tongue on his dick, the shout comes out though. But he shamefully bites his hand right away to hide the moan and cums into Louis’ fist.

He doesn’t remember what happens next but he definitely knows he didn’t fall asleep.

இஇஇ

Louis keeps his word. He doesn’t regret what happened the next morning however he looks depressed as he reads something on his phone. Nevertheless, they don’t talk about it. Harry suspects he knows the addressee of the message.

When Louis is getting out of the shower Harry realizes he still looks sleepy and ruined because the man turns on literally in front of him, just looking at him as he stands by the door to the bathroom in a towel. He’s wearing it not so long.

Harry still feels insecure when he attempts to jerk Louis off but he fails. He decides that confess to Louis that he hates the feeling of someone else’s dick in his mouth is a good idea. Anyway, Louis takes it.

One more round of sex before the goodbye and when Harry, looking at Louis with a hope, hears that they will see each other again, he doesn’t see the sincerity of the promise in the eye of his ex-teacher. Harry doesn’t believe him.

_billie eilish & khalid — lovely_

After a week and a half Harry shows up in the school under the pretext of a textbook he found in his house, which he has to drop off at the library. The building is resounding and empty: there aren’t any students and he barely can meet any of the teachers so Harry manages to get to the Louis’ office without being noticed.

Harry knock twice before he goes in. Louis looks a little sleepy, hunched over document on his table. The office looks pretty grim. Surprised he lifts his head and takes off the glasses, putting them away.

“Harry?” he doesn’t sound very happy. Harry gets a little twinge in the hearts but he ignores it.

“Hey,” the boy closes the door behind himself as he enters the room.

“What are you doing here?” Louis tries to smile but Harry feels a worry in his voice. He’s trying hard to appear confident when he seats on the edge of the man’s table while Louis leans back on his chair.

“Came to drop off a book,” Harry just shrugs and adds a little lower “And I wanted to see you to be honest.”

He smiles sheepishly, thinking that he’s indeed winning today. Harry gets off the table as he sits on Louis’ lap, taking the advantage of Louis and the teacher hesitates before he puts his hand on Harry’s waist.

“Feels like I haven’t seen you for ages, yeah?” his smile is sincerer this time.

Lifting his hand, he touches boy’s disheveled bangs and puts it away. Harry opens his mouth, wanting to answer when he suddenly draws attention to the Louis’ hand. He follows the move with his eyes until Louis’ fingers are overlooked and Harry feels someone beats the air out his chest. Louis might has figured out what Harry is looking at so he clenches his fist, hiding the ring.

“You put it on,” Harry notes and it sound more like sentence. He burns through it with his eyes. It doesn’t look like an engagement ring: it’s simple, made of silver and without any unnecessary shit. Looks like he’s married already. “You didn’t tell him, did you?” Harry definitely didn’t expect such outcome. Of course, Louis _isn’t_ going to ruin his life over the sex with a boy.

“Yes,” Louis looks away. His hands on Harry’s waist get weaker, their moves become awkward. “When I came home, he took me on a surprise date... We went out to dinner and he gave me a new ring. It fit perfectly, you know, I couldn’t argue with that.

“Did you sleep with him?” Harry thinks he should have cut his tongue off but he doesn’t care. He feels an unexpected courage. As if Louis ever belonged to him. A naive fool.

“Harry,” Louis sighs, breaking the eye contact, “but he’s my fiancée...”

“Don’t answer,” Harry frowns, suddenly changing his mind. “I don’t want to know the answer.”

They don’t say anything, still sitting in this awkward position. Louis fidgets, apparently wanting to ask Harry to get up when all of a sudden Harry asks:

“Do you love him?”

“You know the answer.”

“But he does love you,” Harry exhales it so quiet, leaning closer to the Louis’ face. “I don’t want to be a person to cheat on with, Louis. I feel like a such disgusting person.”

“Probably, he does,” the man abruptly becomes serious. “But perhaps not enough for me to love him back. It pains me to tell him the truth but I want to do it because I feel like a cheat. I’m _disgusting_ , I know it.”

Harry doesn’t say a single thing. He looks Louis straight in the eyes before he gets his hands around Louis’ face and leans over to him to kiss. Wet and dirty.

At the very least, he _doesn’t love_ Louis. He is just obsessed with him, that’s all. Just a stupid obsession, an unavoidable desire to be submissive to his will. To be one and a whole with him somewhere between damp sheets. To be able to touch his skin, his voice, to hear his voice. Harry just wants to tick the box where Louis becomes his property.

The silent was breaches by a quiet knocking on the door and Harry jumps off Louis’ lap in a split second. He’s still disheveled as Louis tucks his pants when an English teacher enters the room. Harry recklessly blinks.

“Louis, I’ve brought you the regis- Harry Styles! You just can’t part with this place, do you?” she jokes while Harry feel a growing lump in the throat. With great difficulty, he shoves air into the lungs.

“Right,” the boy smiles of a stretch. “just dropped off some book to the library and decided to visit Mr. Tomlinson.”

It sounds too depraved to him now. He wants to say it again.

“Wanna come over to the staffroom? Mrs. Dylan has brought the cookies,” she smiles and Harry nods.

When the teacher leaves a folder with class registers, Louis politely refuses the invitation. Harry walks away, looking over his shoulder one last time. Louis doesn’t look at him.

இஇஇ

Once Harry’s down on his knees, he slowly looks up at Louis and the man intermittently sighs. Harry watches how Louis’ chest raises with every breath, his shirt was unbuttoned and Harry is staring at his body, looking up from below. The man looks so drunk and he touches Harry’s cheek, slowly lifting his hand up and stroking his skin. Harry’s body is shaking as if he was high. He clenches his toes when Louis touches his barely opened lips and Harry closes his eyes with a pleasure. Carefully sticking his tongue out, he licks Louis’ fingers and Louis bites his lips, hiding a deep moan.

His loses his breath even more but Harry feels such courage: he lifts his shaking hand up in order to hold Louis wrist. He keeps holding his wrist, opening his mouth wider, his tongue hanging out, he swallows a few fingers. He rather licks them than sucks but when he looks up, he sees Louis is literally melting. And Harry does such a stupid thing but he wants it so badly. He lets all fingers out of his mouth but one and without breaking eye contact, he swallows it deeper and deeper.

And when the finger is entirely in his mouth, Harry catches the ring with his teeth and pulls it off. And this is it, Louis’ wrist is free again while Harry freezes up with the ring between his teeth, still burning holes through him.

Looking straight in Louis’ eyes, Harry unclenches his teeth, letting the hated silver rim fall out of the mouth and go down on the floor. When he raises his head to look at Louis, he doesn’t pay any attention to the lost thing. He looks at Harry with misty-eyed gaze. Only at Harry.

When he raises his hands, carefully opening the fly on the man's pants, Louis looks surprised, but Harry is full of courage. He wants to do it.

In their second meeting, when Harry lays all over Louis’ chest, not being able to fall asleep, stupid thought attacks his mind. He listens to Louis’ heartbeat without taking his blinking eyes off the ring that lays on the bedside-table. Louis takes it off now. Always.

Harry wants to put it on fire.

He closes his eyes, his heart is racing while the image of the ring is still in his head. Harry squeezes his eyes tighter, without understanding why does it pain this much every time. He still convinces himself he doesn’t love Louis at all. It's just an obsession.

It tears him to pieces. Again. And again.

இஇஇ

_I was at the school yesterday evening, wanted to surprise you but you weren’t there. They said there weren’t any evening classes for children with disabilities, Louis. Never were! I hope you have an explanation. Where a u??_

Harry’s heart doesn’t explode from the fear as he thought it would. He just looks at Louis with worrying as he continues to lie on the bed with him when Louis reads the message. Louis doesn’t reply, locking the phone down and putting it away.

“What are you gonna tell him?” Harry asks, hiding his emotions with indifference but Louis just shrugs his shoulders. Louis looks as he doesn’t care at all but Harry knows it’s a mask.

“That I am fucking with my former student and idolize him, praising him to the skies,” he says, raising his hand to play with Harry’s hair as he always does.

Harry doesn’t smile. He closes his eyes and says:

“It is not _what_ you are going to tell him,” and he knows it’s the truth.

“No,” Louis isn’t disputing. “But it is what I would want him to know.”

_heart made of glass, my mind of stone. tear me to pieces, skin to bone. thought I found a way out, but you never go away. hello, welcome home..._


End file.
